Rain & Reminiscence

This rainy evening keeps slipping through the loopholes of my vivid memories—
Memories of how the downpour soaked our backs,
Mostly yours.
If I didn’t know better, I’d say the rain was conspiring for our… you know.
The scent of your cologne drowned out the damp, earthy breath of the storm.

There were things I adored—

The way you’d get angry yet still hold me with mercy.
How my shoulder became your refuge when your demons roared too loud.
The way you indulged in your own ego, especially when you were right.

You were an addiction.

I never had reason to doubt you.
Even in solitude, I was certain—I was yours.
Literally.
The 23rd turned into uncertainty,
Which turned into laughter,
Which grew into something Inseparable

You weren’t what I was looking for. But—

Through your eyes, we traced constellations.
Every touch mended my bleeding wounds.
Every gaze whispered, choose me,
But every blink warned, be careful.
It was the way you said I love you
That sent shivers through my spine.

You had an introverted kind of mind,
One that never made it easy to set you alight.

Poetry

He came as a wrecking ball and…
and crashed my naive heart
Even though i tried to grief my pain out,
it still hurts.
i got scorched scars that still ooze smoked ashes whenever Love’s mentioned,
His name become a bump on the road, that my stitched heart wouldn’t take.
so now i write
i write to survive, when my blood is pulsing in my head
i write to cleanse my soul
when people see my hidden nudity
i wear poetry
it’s how i paint my pain into writing
it’s a language i understand myself
it’s how i lie to myself that, “its gonna be ok”
when I’m dåmñ sure i can’t float in a drained ocean.
it’s how i realize even if i’m just a drop in an acean, i still got my identity.
i write to depict my own thoughts…& my very feelings about my life experiences
even though it feasts on giving a great personal cost of myself,
atleast it allows me a small window in which i fall apart,
after all there ain’t no shame in shading a few tears.

WORD?

He questioned how it feels to be unattached.
“Unbound,” I replied—
Yet, truthfully, it’s lonesome.

At times, I ponder—
Is there someone out there,
Gazing at me with wonder-filled eyes?
Why are the worthy ones always claimed,
And the rest… too unripe to comprehend me?

I dread the shadows, but not all that sparkles is treasure.
Someone once advised me—
“If what’s given isn’t sufficient, step away.”
So I did.

Now, affection was all I understood—
And affection has vanished.
I harbor no agony, yet I’m weighed down.
I bear no scars, yet I’m hemorrhaging.
I insist I’m fine, but I can’t confront it.
I strive… yet something’s absent.

Cruise

I’ve been caged by love,
Hiding the fear of being alone.
But now I see—having none of you
Is what truly sets me free.

I drift like a bubble in the air,
Weightless, unchained, my own affair.
It’s my time now—to love on my terms,
No more heart’s confusion, no more burns.

I was foolish to trust love’s binds,
To believe in its ever-changing tides.
But now, I stand, unshaken and strong—
Loving only where I truly belong.

“I LOVE YOU”

I want honesty.
I want truth—
Truth to myself first,
Before you ever ask it of me.
I want to love myself first,
So when I say “I love you,” it’s real.

Because I never thought I wanted you.
I just dived in—
Not sure if I fell in love
Or if I just needed an escape.

But you—
You loved me, raw and unfiltered,
While I held on,
Grasping at the feelings you gave,
Wondering if my “I love you” was ever true.

I want my heart to choose freely.
I don’t want destruction or doubt.
I don’t want to love in vain.

P.S. … I know it’s dark in here,
But maybe I need to adjust to the shadows—
Otherwise, how will I ever see clearly?


SOMBRE

I have a dark spot in my heart
My best memories are blurred by it
A dark spot filled with hate
Smeared with lust
Tinted with bitterness
Feels like a tonado inside
Won’t stop swaying my belief

I got fears
Fear of the unknown
Fear of what i know
Fear of what i dont know i do know
As it is,
it is no longer I myself who do it,
but it is sin living in me.

I feel rebellion whirling
A voice keeps calling and calling
The more i ignore the more its louder
I need saving from hurting on people
Words from the good book for redemption

I’m i ready to leave all i treasure to walk with You?

Adrift in the Wake of You

Where am I supposed to take all these memories?
You taught me how to fly,
But just as I soared, you let me go.
Now I’m spiraling down,
Bracing for the crash—
Anticipating the rock-bottom fall awaiting me.

I had a chance to say I love you once,
And for a moment, it was everything.
Now, I watch you walk away,
But somehow, that hurts less than loving you.

You are the true love I never truly had.
I was afraid to say the words,
But you urged me— “Admit it, I feel the same way.”
Now, you’re gone for the last time.

I should have never reached out,
Should have never let those words sink into my burning heart.
There was never any gain in this uncertain love.

Letting you go is easier than loving you,
Yet loving you through the pain
Feels easier than letting go.

But then again,
Your ego feeds on my suffering.

TRUE


I can’t deny,i do ask much
‘Please stay’
‘A little while longer’
It’s crazy you never mind,
when i need a little comforting from you
You give it up, you give it all
When i need a smile as a muse, you give.
When i need a guy to kiss, gut-damnit, you always here
But what does my-selfish-self offer
None
I urge you to wait
                          Longer
                      for me to let him go
               Longer
          for him to let me let him go
    Longer
to feel it right letting go but damn it he’s still here.
I know its getting weary,waiting
And thats my biggest fear
Cause i know you are trying really hard to get over me
Well i hope it doesnt work cause
                        I couldn’t breath
                  I couldn’t see through these tears
             I couldn’t resent you
        I couldn’t pretent to not know you
However you are so high to get
It gets me thinking was your ‘I Love You Too’ even true
Oh! i really try to reach you but, you keep going up,
That pushes me  down.
So say you are gonna wait, and i swear im gonna make you happy.

I love you two

We had a future together,
Then you came by,so full of love none could resist
Although he was far and these lonely walls changed the way i felt for him,nothing made sense cause he wasn’t here.
I had a choice to chase him
But i chose you and now I’m running from myself scared to face it.
I lost myself,i lost it all, when i loved you two.
I just wanted to be an escape
Now i can’t get you off my head
Ain’t sure how i feel about all these feelings you’ve been giving.
It feels in my bones like i can’t live without you.
I want both of y”all to stay
I want you to stay
Honestly One of you gotta go
But you my love, whenever you are ready
I don’t belong to neither of you
Cause i dont deserve either of

yurs
I can’t make both of y’all crazy for me
Cause i know at some point my love is in vain for either of you